can't see the light...

Have you ever felt like you don't know where you're going in life? You've sort of lost your sense of direction or just really can't see where the road in front of you leads to? I like to feel like I'm in control of my life. I like to know where I'll be or what I'll be doing within the next 2 years. In the past it's always been school, highschool, university. But now what? Okay, you've graduated and you're supposed to find a job or continue school for something you like. I'm happy that I've taken a year off school, but the bad thing about this year is that I seemed to have lost my way. I know what I want to go for, but I know I'm not smart enough. And now, I don't know what to do. It's like you have passion, but so what? You have a big solid wall of stupidity blocking your way. So even if you believe you can, belief in yourself can only take you so far. Reality sets in and hits you over the head with a big, "HALLO, remember you're stuuuupid, don't forget that!"
At the moment, I feel like my life is on hold, I'm just waiting for unis to send me letters that reinforces the fact that I'm dumb. Then I can somehow move on and say "at least I tried." Right now, I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself knowing that I'm not going to get in. I just can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I can't find my way out, I feel so damn lost and insecure. The one thing on my Christmas wish list this year: "Santa, please make me become a smart cookie." Mmm...cookie. Frig! I feel so useless, so...ARG!!
To those of you who have jobs lined up, congrats. You punks know who you are. You guys are on your way to being "real" adults. I agree with the rest of the crew who are still unsure of what they'll be doing next year, "we're so living off you guys!" I think I'm going to go partner up with Oscar the Grouch. Anyone still in for the professional garbage picker crew?
*whining* I need to go home home, to my room, to my bed. I just want to crawl in and stay there for a couple days. I can't wait 3 weeks, I want noooooow...I want my pillow.