ain't it odd...

I don't really know what this blog is supposed to be about. It's phunie how sometimes you don't know where your life is headed to. It's like when you were younger in primary school, or highschool or even uni for that matter, ppl would tell you that you still have a long time before you "find" yourself and know where you are heading for. I duno, it seems to be that there are only a handful of ppl that actually know what they are heading for and have it all planned out. Who really is 100% sure as to what there plans are goign to be and that they will succeed in it? U really duno. When I was in highschool, I used to think that I would get into a great univeristy, be a great top student and get into med school and be a wonderful pediatrician and absolutely love my job. And ofcourse, the story goes on that you marry and have kids and live happily ever after. Talk about whole change in persepctive after first year university and all throughout uni for that matter.
At times I feel like I'm in control of what I want to do. I know what I'm heading for and there is some sort of "plan" that I have created that I would follow through with. It's odd that thigns that other ppl may say to you or comment on, may have a great affect on your plans. Heck, I know I changed my plans on what to do in uni a million times. Just cause I spoke to a few more ppl and realize that it woudlnt' work out for me. It's odd how ppl can say somethings and it would make u doubt yourself. Maybe I'm just easily swayed by ppl's opinions.
It's weird how nothign really goes smoothly for me. I didnt' have a good transition into uni and didnt' do well in my courses. Why is that I have to struggle through so many things, why cant' it just go smoothly? My sis for instance, she was accepted into all the unis she applied for, was a gifted student got a kick ass job offer rite when she graduated, and has never been without a great job. How come that doesn't happen to me? Okay, I may be on the lazy and dumb side, but when I want somethign done, I try really hard to do it, and still it doesn't go smoothly.
In chinese, I'd like to say that I believe in "life" or "meng" in chinese. Supersitiously that is. Like for instance, if ppl had a pock mark near their mouths, they have a very good sense in eating, etc. For me, I have one on my back, which essentially means that I will have a tough life. Well, so far that hasn't failed me. Tough life doesnt' necessarily mean that you don't have your basic needs met, but tough as in, struggles. I do beleive in that. It seems that if I really want something, I have to try atleast twice as hard as other ppl to get it. Hey, I'm fine with that. I just sometimes wish that things could run smoothly for me just once, when it is really important, when it really counts.
Okay, you guys didn't need to read that boring blog. Just something that was in my head.