i think i need work...

I've been sort of out of rhythm, out of whack lately. I think I need structuring. I need work. I need something to power myself into, to focus on. I'm just waiting for my work days to come. Not that I'm looking forward to waking up early everyday. But honestly, I need a daily routine. I find that since I've come back from loo, having nothing to do all day has been really dangerous for me. Sure, the first couple days I just sleep-in and be a piggy or what-not, but after that, I have too much time to myself. Too much time. I find becuase of this extra time, I tend to let my thoughts wander too much. I think about anything and everything too much. In the end, I get tired and stressed from my thoughts and sometimes do and say the wrong things. Maybe I'm just weird, but I really need something to focus on. I've been feeling like I don't have control in many aspects of my life. I can feel myself starting to retreat back into my world of hermit-hood. I think I might need to get away or something. Just disappear off the face of the earth for a little while until I somehow find my sanity again. I think this may be the first summer that I didn't fully enjoy right off the bat.
One thing I have noticed is that I think I need constant company. I need something that I can unconditionally love and have it returned back to me. Something I can channel all the affection and love I have into. No, I'm not having a kid. But I have been thinking a lot about getting a puppy.
Maybe this is all because I have graduated, maybe it's becuase I'm scared, maybe my persepctives are changing, maybe...see, I'm doing it again. I don't know why I try to find answers that I won't ever know. I don't know why I have to try and make everything in my life make-sense or comprehensible. I can't seem to tell myself that sometimes, things "just are the way they are." No explanation, no reason, it just is. Help! I'm willing for work days to come before I totally lose my mind.